Game Day Decrees
The Game Day Decrees are here to knock yo old ass out like your name is Bernard Hopkins and you know it’s way past your bed time for you to be out walking down the mean streets of 32 Kings Road. Yo, B-Hop is a legend…no doubt about it. He might be the toughest 53 year old I know next to Omar after he shaved his head. But my man got his face rocked and fell through those ropes, laying down there casket-ready. 
All we needed was Montelle Jordan to show up ringside and sing “Eye on the Sparrow” and we could have put the dirt on ol’ Bernard and been done with it right then and there.
This edition of the Game Day Decrees will recap the action from Week 15 of the NFL, which has officially been dubbed “The Week of the Kicker.” We had 11 kickers score ten or more points for their teams last week. Nine of them made three or more kicks in a single game, while two kickers nailed kicks in wins against their former teams. It felt like Stephen Curry was out there jacking it from half court – 3’s were dropping everywhere! This week is Rivalry Week around the league, as 11 of the 16 games are divisional matchups between teams that are playing for the second time this season and will need a win over a familiar foe at the end of the season. Several teams’ playoff fates will be decided this week if they can avenge their loss from earlier in the year or complete the season sweep over a hated rival. Week 16 is the penultimate weekend of the 2016 NFL season, so you know what that means, right? I have to channel my inner George Pelecanos to set us up for the finale! Let’s get into it!
Chargers vs Chiefs
To say the Chargers had a bad year in 2015 would be like saying Phillip Rivers only has a handful of children. Nah B, that is the definition of an understatement. They were terrible last year. And Rivers has enough children to re-enact the Seven Dwarves plus a substitute in case one is busy doing […]
Bills vs Ravens
**Warning: this excerpt may contain a bit of Baltimore bias** Man, I am beyond excited for Ravens football to start back in the B. Like any fan I am certain my team has what it takes to win the Superbowl. But I would be blind, deaf, and dumb if I didn’t acknowledge the question marks […]
Bears vs Texans
The Chicago Bears look to recover from a painful 2015 that was doom and gloom for the team as soon as it started. Top-10 draft pick Kevin White, who was expected to play a key role in Chicago’s offense got hurt in offseason workouts and never saw the field. To add insult to that injury, […]
Packers vs Jaguars
The Packers look to rebound after one of the most exciting playoff games we’ve seen in a while. I thought Aaron Rodgers’ 61 yard pass to receiver Jeff Janis from his own endzone on 4th & 20 to keep the drive alive, and then the Hail Mary touchdown pass from Rodgers to Jannis again to […]
Dolphins vs Seahawks
The Dolphins will kick off 2016 after pulling off Boss Move of the Year last season. The Dolphins got off to a 1-3 start and following the loss to New York in London’s Wembley Stadium, the team fired coach Joe Philbin as soon as the plane touched American soil. Philbin was not allowed to pass Go. […]
Giants vs Cowboys
The bottom feeders of the NFC East last season clash in this week 1 matchup that will almost certainly come down to the wire. Their last 8 meetings have ALL been decided by a touchdown or less. The New York Football Giants weren’t able to send Tom Coughlin out in style during his last year […]
Lions vs Colts
The Detroit Lions spent 2015 cleaning house after a 1-7 start; the team fired their offensive coordinator, team president, and general manager before Thanksgiving. Future Hall of Fame receiver Calvin Johnson decided to call it a career at the end of yet another losing season. The leader of the Decepticons said his decision was influenced […]
Patriots vs Cardinals
The Patriots begin this season without their main man, Thomas Edward Patrick Brady – or as we refer to him here on Kings Road – “Jamie Lannister” (any Game of Thrones fan knows when they first saw Jamie Lannister in the pilot he reminded them of Tom Brady. Pretty. Blonde. Rich. Entitled. His piss probably […]
Steelers vs Redskins
The Pittsburgh Steelers look to add to their 2015 success after sneaking into the playoffs last year and winning a game on the road. The Steelers ultimately lost to the eventual Superbowl champs, but many people inside and even outside of Pittsburgh see a great season in store for this team. There are three things […]
Rams vs 49ers
The Rams are returning to Los Angeles this season after playing in St. Louis since 1995. Although I can empathize with St. Louis as a city that has lost their team, the entertainment capital of the world must have an NFL franchise in it. And the powers that be planned the Rams’ move to LA […]