Game Day Decrees
The Game Day Decrees are here to knock yo old ass out like your name is Bernard Hopkins and you know it’s way past your bed time for you to be out walking down the mean streets of 32 Kings Road. Yo, B-Hop is a legend…no doubt about it. He might be the toughest 53 year old I know next to Omar after he shaved his head. But my man got his face rocked and fell through those ropes, laying down there casket-ready.
All we needed was Montelle Jordan to show up ringside and sing “Eye on the Sparrow” and we could have put the dirt on ol’ Bernard and been done with it right then and there.
This edition of the Game Day Decrees will recap the action from Week 15 of the NFL, which has officially been dubbed “The Week of the Kicker.” We had 11 kickers score ten or more points for their teams last week. Nine of them made three or more kicks in a single game, while two kickers nailed kicks in wins against their former teams. It felt like Stephen Curry was out there jacking it from half court – 3’s were dropping everywhere! This week is Rivalry Week around the league, as 11 of the 16 games are divisional matchups between teams that are playing for the second time this season and will need a win over a familiar foe at the end of the season. Several teams’ playoff fates will be decided this week if they can avenge their loss from earlier in the year or complete the season sweep over a hated rival. Week 16 is the penultimate weekend of the 2016 NFL season, so you know what that means, right? I have to channel my inner George Pelecanos to set us up for the finale! Let’s get into it!
The Tennessee Titans won the Nicholas Cage “Gone in 60 Seconds” Award after stealing a win right before the eyes of the Kansas City faithful in the finals seconds of a thriller against the Chiefs. It was a rough one early on for the young Titans after their defense gave up a 68 yard touchdown […]
The Patriots will welcome the New York Jets to town after they return home off a rugged win in Denver. It wasn’t a typical Patriots win, as Tom Brady’s personal struggles against Denver’s defense continued. He completed just 16 passes for a mere 188 yards and a few of us were wondering if the Kingslayer […]
Indianapolis made a statement with a win last week after they went into Minnesota and knocked on that top-ranked defense like it was a Saturday morning and they were witnesses of Jehovah. QB Andrew Luck put on a clinic, and based on the Game Picks of all the League Ambassadors for this game, I was […]
When we first agreed to write a Game Day Decree for every single NFL game that would be played this season, I knew it would be a challenge. A challenge I was cautiously optimistic to accept. But a challenge I knew would come with the struggle of remaining unbiased toward games I wanted my hometeam to […]
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers dropped a spot back in the race for the NFC South after a tough loss last Sunday night in Dallas. The young Bucs proved on a national stage they have what it takes to compete with the best teams in the league, but turnovers and poor execution down the stretch ultimately […]
The Seahawks looked like their normal selves last week…well, at least in football terms, after they returned to form in a blowout win against the Rams. They didn’t however look like themselves uniforms wise – The Seahawks looked like angry Teletubbies out there. They had an advantage before the ball was even kicked off, dressed […]
The Cincinnati Bengals had one job, yo. ONE. I swear you can’t rely on a tiger to hold onto a lead or even make a cereal that doesn’t get soggy in less than three minutes. The Bengals were gift wrapped an early Christmas present when the Steelers arrived to the stadium still in their pajamas. […]
The Baltimore Ravens are lucky to still be alive in the playoff hunt after they tried to give the game away to the Eagles last week. But the Eagles didn’t play like they wanted the game either, so the Ravens gratefully picked up their eighth win of the year. As usual, the Ravens got off […]
This AFC West matchup between Denver and Kansas City features two team who were each shut out in their respective games from last week. We’ll start with the Broncos who managed just a first quarter field goal at home against New England. Nevermind who they were playing, which we will get to in a minute. […]
The Detroit Lions ran out of 4th quarter magic last week when they went up to New York and were stifled by the Giants. Their offense managed to only put two points on the board, and the defense struggled to stop the Giants offense from converting on keys downs. You know this was going to […]
The Los Angeles Rams will achieve their franchise goal of not going 7-9 after their blowout loss last week against Atlanta. They’ll probably end up 4-12 and will get to the promise land without Jeff Fisher, who was finally relieved of his duties as a head coach in the NFL about a decade too late. […]
The Miami Dolphins picked up the most bittersweet of victories last week by keeping their Wild Card hopes alive with a sweet win against Arizona. The bitter part is they lost their starting quarterback Ryan Tannehill to a knee injury that may keep him out of the lineup for the remainder of the season. But […]
The Eagles’ losing streak reached four after they lost at home last week against Washington. It was an afternoon full of mistakes and missed opportunities against a division opponent that officially swept them this season. The Eagles had a chance to take a double digit lead on the ‘Skins, but QB Carson Wentz’s struggles continued […]
The Buffalo Bills are prolonging the firing of head coach Rex Ryan after they became the backdrop to Mr. Le’Veon Bell’s career-game poster. They had no answers against that man. Zero answers. Like, the teacher called on them and they looked around like…”um, I’m sorry. Who exactly are you calling on?” That “Who” would be […]
The Green Bay Packers surprised us all when they invited Seattle into their home last Sunday and whooped that trick for 60 minutes straight. They came out the gate rolling when Aaron Rodgers scrambled right and threw deep along the right sideline for receiver Davante Adams, who slipped past a tackler for a 66 yard […]
The Pittsburgh Steelers welcomed all ladies and gentlemen with them to Buffalo last week to witness the eighth wonder of the world, the flow of the century that is always timeless. His name is Le’Veon Bell and he thanked everyone for coming to the game last Sunday. We could have been anywhere in the world […]