Game Day Decrees
The Game Day Decrees are here to knock yo old ass out like your name is Bernard Hopkins and you know it’s way past your bed time for you to be out walking down the mean streets of 32 Kings Road. Yo, B-Hop is a legend…no doubt about it. He might be the toughest 53 year old I know next to Omar after he shaved his head. But my man got his face rocked and fell through those ropes, laying down there casket-ready.
All we needed was Montelle Jordan to show up ringside and sing “Eye on the Sparrow” and we could have put the dirt on ol’ Bernard and been done with it right then and there.
This edition of the Game Day Decrees will recap the action from Week 15 of the NFL, which has officially been dubbed “The Week of the Kicker.” We had 11 kickers score ten or more points for their teams last week. Nine of them made three or more kicks in a single game, while two kickers nailed kicks in wins against their former teams. It felt like Stephen Curry was out there jacking it from half court – 3’s were dropping everywhere! This week is Rivalry Week around the league, as 11 of the 16 games are divisional matchups between teams that are playing for the second time this season and will need a win over a familiar foe at the end of the season. Several teams’ playoff fates will be decided this week if they can avenge their loss from earlier in the year or complete the season sweep over a hated rival. Week 16 is the penultimate weekend of the 2016 NFL season, so you know what that means, right? I have to channel my inner George Pelecanos to set us up for the finale! Let’s get into it!
Okay, so about a week ago (week ago) we discussed how tough it was to be a Minnesotan right now. I didn’t think things could get any worse than that. But we found out coach Mike Zimmer needed emergency eye surgery and would not be able to coach in their Thursday night game against Dallas. […]
The Cardinals ended their two-game skid last week with an impressive win at home against Washington. They got a great performance from QB Carson Palmer (300 yards 3 TDs, no turnovers) who knew it was about time he made up for his past sins. He did the smart thing in finding the Professional Larry Fitzgerald, […]
This matchup between the Washington Football Team and the Philadelphia Eagles features two NFC East rivals who both suffered disappointing losses last week. We’ll start with the Skins who came up a bit short in Arizona. It was their second loss in a row, and also their second game in a row where they didn’t […]
The Denver Broncos will not apologize for beating the Jaguars last week – it was a much-needed win for a team trying to stay alive in both their division race and a wild car spot. It was an ugly game to watch especially with Paxton Lynch starting at quarterback for the injured Trevor Siemian. The […]
The good folks here at the League Ambassadors informed me I can no longer promote a game by simply using a Bum Fight poster. So since I am forced to actually waste words on this matchup between the New York Jets and the San Francisco 49ers, I’ll try to find a silver lining here… Both […]
The Seattle Seahawks bounced back from a rough outing the week before to convincingly handle the Carolina Panthers last week on Sunday Night Football. They reminded the NFL they are still a legitimate contender in the NFC and made their point right out the gate when the Derek Anderson-led Panther offense botched the first play […]
The Atlanta Falcons are at it again. After starting the season 4-1 they have won just three of their last seven games. They managed to lose last week at home against Kansas City after falling short on a 4th quarter comeback attempt. The Falcons looked good early on though, punctuating a 10-play 81 yard drive […]
The Tampa Bay Bucs may have been the biggest winners from last week after their win in San Diego. They improved to 7-5 after playing 60 solid minutes of football to put the Chargers away at the end. It was a rough start for the Bucs’ after their defense gave up a quick touchdown. On […]
The Cowboys continued their dominance over the NFL last week after proving they can win any style of fight. They followed up a shootout win against Washington with a gutsy, low-scoring performance in Minnesota last Thursday night that went down to the wire. Things were a bit rocky for Dallas early on – Ezekiel Elliott […]
The Baltimore Ravens have suddenly found their late season groove after stacking their second win in a row last week against Miami. I think we were all shocked at the way the Ravens destroyed the red-hot Dolphins, who had won six-straight games coming into Sunday. The only person who wasn’t shocked at their performance was […]
The Dallas Cowboys continue to impress the football world after surviving a shootout on Thanksgiving against Washington. They let Ezekiel Elliott make his plate first as he broke off chunks on the ground, eventually leading to a 4 yard TD run to get Dallas on the board first. Fellow rookie Dak Prescott was just as […]
The Chiefs came out victorious in what may go down as the best game of the year so far – a physical overtime battle in Denver. The first half was dominated by linebacker Justin Houston. He was everywhere when you ain’t ever there. Houston had three sacks in the game, including one where he forced […]
The Miami Dolphins did everything in their power to become just the second team that San Francisco would have beaten this year. But the football Gods were on their side and gave them the strength to pull off a defensive stand down the stretch to come out victorious in this one. They struggled early on […]
The 49ers picked up a moral victory last week even though they don’t want it following their 10th loss, this time in Miami. They showed the fortitude and will to not settle for being blown out again. They were down 31-14 and fought back to cut the game to a one-possession lead. One of the […]
The Philadelphia Eagles lost their first home game of the season when they ran into Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay packers who had their backs against the wall – not many teams can beat them in that situation no matter where the game is played. But the Eagles had some issues of their own […]
The Houston Texans officially have buyer’s remorse after last week’s home loss against San Diego. This dude Brock Osweiler is one treacherous Mofo. How many times are we gonna let the Theon Greyjoy of the NFL get away with murder and not check him at the door?! He was cool when he stayed in his […]