Game Day Decrees
The Game Day Decrees are here to knock yo old ass out like your name is Bernard Hopkins and you know it’s way past your bed time for you to be out walking down the mean streets of 32 Kings Road. Yo, B-Hop is a legend…no doubt about it. He might be the toughest 53 year old I know next to Omar after he shaved his head. But my man got his face rocked and fell through those ropes, laying down there casket-ready. 
All we needed was Montelle Jordan to show up ringside and sing “Eye on the Sparrow” and we could have put the dirt on ol’ Bernard and been done with it right then and there.
This edition of the Game Day Decrees will recap the action from Week 15 of the NFL, which has officially been dubbed “The Week of the Kicker.” We had 11 kickers score ten or more points for their teams last week. Nine of them made three or more kicks in a single game, while two kickers nailed kicks in wins against their former teams. It felt like Stephen Curry was out there jacking it from half court – 3’s were dropping everywhere! This week is Rivalry Week around the league, as 11 of the 16 games are divisional matchups between teams that are playing for the second time this season and will need a win over a familiar foe at the end of the season. Several teams’ playoff fates will be decided this week if they can avenge their loss from earlier in the year or complete the season sweep over a hated rival. Week 16 is the penultimate weekend of the 2016 NFL season, so you know what that means, right? I have to channel my inner George Pelecanos to set us up for the finale! Let’s get into it!
BRONCOS vs JAGUARS
The Denver Broncos currently find themselves on the outside looking into the AFC playoff race after tough, hard-fought loss against Kansas City last Sunday night. It was one of the more physical games we’ll see this season and the Broncos have to feel like they let this one slip through their grasps. It started off […]
RAMS vs PATRIOTS
The Patriots struggled with the Jets last week and managed to pull out a close win at the end. They fell down 10-0 early on after their defense struggled to stop Brandon Marshall. They finally got going after Malcolm Jenkins forced and recovered a fumble. And Tom Brady cashed after initially fumbling the snap, he […]
LIONS vs SAINTS
The Detroit Lions kept their late-game heroics going after pulling off another comeback win last week against Minnesota. They survived a tough back-and-forth battle consisting of seven lead changes, which may not have even been the case if it wasn’t for Aretha Franklin’s extended rendition of the national anthem. Now listen, before y’all get all […]
BILLS vs RAIDERS
The Buffalo Bills improved to 6-5 on the season after edging out Jacksonville at home last week. They started off sluggish after the Jags marched down the field and punched them in the mouth to take an early 7-0 lead, and Tyrod Taylor was under constant pressure the first two quarters. They finally managed to […]
REDSKINS vs CARDINALS
The Skins took a step back in their hunt for another playoff appearance after becoming the newest victim of the Dallas Cowboys’ rookie phenomenon. And they didn’t play a bad game necessarily; they were just outplayed by Dallas. But it didn’t help that their first two scoring drives were halted and they had to settle […]
GIANTS vs STEELERS
The New York Giants improved their record to 8-3 over the winless Cleveland Browns last week. It was a win they won’t apologize for, but was much needed if they plan to keep pace in the division and have a chance at securing a wild card spot. They jumped all over the Browns in the […]
BUCCANEERS vs CHARGERS
The biggest upset from last week’s slate of games was the Tampa Buccaneers who defeated the Seahawks and suddenly find themselves in the playoff conversation. It was also upsetting to watch such a terrible football as neither team scored a single point in the second half. The Bucs did their work early led by Jameis […]
PANTHERS vs SEAHAWKS
Cam Newton avoided disaster early on after he was hit and his pass went fluttering in the air. Oakland’s DB decided the ten fingers God blessed him with were not enough to catch the ball and he dropped the easy interception. After Carolina’s defense gave up the early 7-0 lead, running back Jonathan Stewart figured […]
VIKINGS vs LIONS
The first matchup on our Thursday slate of games just may be the most important one, as it features two NFC North opponents who are both 6-4 and surprisingly competing for the division lead. We’ll start with the Minnesota Vikings who won their first game since October 9th with a win last week against Arizona. […]
REDSKINS vs COWBOYS
The Washington Redskins won a statement game last week on primetime television against Green Bay. The Skins dominated the Packers and proved that they can put up points with the best of them, especially when Cap’n Kirk Cousins is whipping the Enterprise. They also had an equally-impressive running game led by rookie Rob Kelley (137 […]
STEELERS vs COLTS
The Pittsburgh Steelers ended their four-game skid after beating up on the Browns last week at the Dog Pound. We knew this one would be a big day for the Steelers, not because they were playing Cleveland but instead because of the way receiver Antonio Brown arrived to the game. THIS mofo showed up dressed […]
CARDINALS vs FALCONS
The Arizona Cardinals cannot get out of their own way. It’s disappointing to see a team with so much talent and potential continue to shoot themselves in the foot. And this was prevalent in their loss last week in Minnesota. After their defense gave up an early touchdown, the offense put together an 11-play 75 […]
BENGALS vs RAVENS
The Cincinnati Bengals went from being just one game behind their division lead to having twice as many losses as wins, and now questioning how the rest of this season will play out for them. It all came crashing down when AJ Green hurt his hamstring on the first drive – he was carted off […]
JAGUARS vs BILLS
The Buffalo Bills improved to 5-5 last week after pulling off the upset on the road in Cincinnati. Rex Ryan’s formula for success panned out in this one as they ran the ball down the Bengals’ throats until their eyes started tearing up. Straight gag-on-it style. Okay, that may have been a little too descriptive […]
TITANS vs BEARS
The Tennessee Titans returned to who we thought they were after following a win with a loss for the sixth week in a row – this time with a loss in Indianapolis. The Titans put themselves in a deep hole, falling down 21-0 by the second quarter. Marcus Mariota continued to get thrown on the […]